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Saturday, December 12, 2009


Starting off with the list of movies I am looking forward to next year. I would start with favorite movies of 2009, but there are two coming out this month that might make the list and I don't want to have to rethink or change any of these.

Machete April 16th

Looks like I will be doing a double feature at the theatre on April 16th. I’ll be honest, I would rather see Thanksgiving or Don’t as full feature length movies before Machete, but since I don’t have any control over Eli Roth (yet, hehe) or Edgar Wright and can’t force them to make them, then I will get all reved up to see this. I loved Grindhouse, still pissed it wasn’t given the chance it should have. So to see something come from Grindhouse I will back it whole heartedly. Not trying to dog the trailer either, it was fucking bad ass. Total Robert Rodriguez. It should be fun times to get to see a grindhouse style movie again.

Piranha 3D April 16th

I will admit, I wasn’t that excited for this remake. Tacking on 3D to anything outside of a animated movie, it will most likely be shit (Jaws 3D? Why you trying fuck Otown like that by saying there is a pipe that goes from the coast TO THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING STATE and say that is how a great white shark got into Sea World?) but, when I saw Alexandre Aja as the director, I pushed aside my resintment for it being 3D. The man is talented when it comes to horrow. And even though this is a remake, it’s an odd, yet interesting scenario. So, sign me up. Plus, I want to see the rebirth of Elizabeth Shue (not playing herself) and did I mention RICHARD DRYFUSS is in it!

Extra fun times to be had since imdb is saying that boo boo kitty fuck aka Eli Roth has a cameo as a wet t-shirt contest judge/DJ.

Due Date November 5th

I had no clue Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galafianakis were going to be in the same movie together. That fact alone, I can’t wait to see the movie. Even if the plot sounds stupid (Galafianakis is playing a college slacker, he’s like 30, oh take take that back, he’s 40) I still want to see it. RDJ and what I am sure everyone will be refering him to as, that guy from Between Two Ferns, could pull it off. Not to mention the director also did The Hangover, Old School, and Starsky & Hutch.

Nightmare on Elm St. April 30th

I’m usually the first to complain about a remake, but this one I approve of. Not because the original is bad or anything, but I just can’t wait to see what they do with such an iconic character. I love horror movies, so to get to see someone like Freddy given a new life, it makes me tickled pink. I know that there are plenty of die hard fans who would disagree but after the last couple remakes and Freddy v. Jason (which didn’t really do so well, though I liked it), maybe this reboot will work in favor of the series.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 1 November 19th

I never read the books. I’m not an uber fan of the movies either. But the producers of this franchise know how to turn a succesful book series into a pretty fantastic movie series. I know people bitch about shit getting left out, blah blah blah. No one wants to see and fucking four hour movie. Now I could do this whole comparison of how well the script is written, how great the actors are, the effects are above par, and list a bunch of other descriptions with postive words tacked on to make me seem like I know what I’m talking about, and then dog on another series (that for some reason I do enjoy too) for the shitty effects, retarded lead who blinks to fucking much, editing that is as sloppy as Sean Avery’s seconds, and a script that would still loose out to an essay written by Hellen Keller about the platypus. But I won’t do that. And I appologize for that run on sentence.

Needless to say, I can’t wait for this to come out.

The Green Hornet December 22nd

Never watched the original show, and I don’t read comic books. But I love me some Seth Rogen and fucking Cristoph Waltz is going to be in it! Sure, it could have been in the “eh, I’ll go see it” category, except I’m just on the tad excited side.

MacGruber April 23rd

It’s fucking MacGruber! Who wouldn’t be excited for this?

Honorable Mention:
Shutter Island, Alice in Wonderland, Remember Me, Clash of the Titans, The A-Team, Toy Story 3, Eclipse, Unstoppable, & Tron

I want to add A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas and Scott Pilgrim on here too, but they don’t have a release date yet. But watch, I post this and tomorrow we start getting dates for this shit.

I Am Dissapoint:

Every year, there are movies that dissapoint. Well, I already have a list of movies that will be released in 2010, that sure you could pay me to see, but when your not looking, I’ll hop into the next theatre or burn my eyes out after having to watch even a smidge of one of these movies. That sounds mean. Let’s just say, when I saw these I said “What the fuck?” or “FUCK THAT SHIT!”

The Tooth Fairy - January 22nd

A hockey movie about a guy (the Rock) who turns into the tooth fairy? Come the fuck on! Why do you have to make hockey look bad? The sport gets shit from people any way, now Disney has to make this and make hockey look even worse? Fuck that shit.

Step Up 3D - August 6th

Remember how I said tacking on 3D to a movie (outside of animated flicks) basically is giant sign for people who actually enjoy movies that it is going to be shitastic. Well, lets throw it on there to an over used genre of dance flicks, because no one has really gotten tired of seeing the under achieving, “bad ass” trying to make things right while learning valuable lessons along the way character. What the fuck?


I will tell everyone to go see this movie, not because I love horror movies, but because the owner of the Lightning is also a producer of this drawn out franchise. That means, if the movie makes money, he can continue to own the team. I don’t want to see the Lightning sold, go see the movie even though the seires should have ended after the 4th movie. Some might say 3rd, others, 2nd, but the 4th movie had Donnie Whalberg back again, so I say 4th.

Walter the Farting Dog

WHAT THE FUCK?! Starring the Jonas Brothers SERIOUSLY?! I think that about sums up what I thought when I found out about this Disney gem. I’m only assuming it’s Disney, because don’t they like own the Jonas Brothers or something? I don’t know, but it’ll make millions. Which is beyond my comprehension. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s the people who signed off on this idea who have lost the will to form a complete thought.

I would suggest finding out when Walter the Farting Dog comes out too. That way you can avoid going to the movies that day, thus avoiding one of many out comes: suicide, the shrill screams of tweens, mass murder of said tweens, your own death heaven forbid the movie shouldn’t start on time, a stampede of wildebeests, Romulans attacking, or any other oturageous outcomes that could occur.

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